Fight the Good Fight…..

Fight

Last spring, I saw Jesus. Some of the nurses and doctors in the room said it was a side affect of what I was experiencing (serious lidocaine poisoning).

Call it a hallucination.

Call it whatever you’d like…but I saw him.

He was in the room with me and watching over all the chaos that was happening around me. I can remember the nurse telling me to lie down and try to relax, but I was convulsing and fighting. They all told me I was fiercely strong to be so small. But I knew I was fighting to breathe and essentially fighting to stay alive. 

You see, I knew that if I gave up just a little bit, and laid back on that thin cold paper on that hard table, I would die. No one can convince me otherwise. I couldn’t relax, I refused to drift off to sleep, because I knew I was fading quickly. Though during that frightening episode, I couldn’t form words, and it was if I had a stroke, I kept saying “fight, fight, I’m fighting.”  

Have you ever heard a recording of your voice and realized that you didn’t sound the way you imagined? That was me as I heard the mumbled, struggling voice come out of my lips. I couldn’t fathom that the grumbles and muffled sounds coming out of my mouth were actually me. You could barely understand anything I tried to say because of my condition.  The only word that came out of my mouth that anyone understood, was “Jesus.” 

You see I saw a lot of people in the room, but my vision was blurry and I couldn’t make out faces….

But I knew exactly where Jesus was the entire time. I didn’t know him by his face…or even by his voice. But simply by his presence. 

You see, I also knew it was dire, and I knew if I didn’t “fight” I would fade quickly and go into a sleep that I likely would not wake up from.  

Sometimes we can do the same thing spiritually or within our lives. 

Maybe the battle isn’t lidocaine poisoning…but maybe it’s depression.  For others it may be a battle with your marriage…or a struggle with intense heartbreak.  Perhaps it’s divorce…or maybe it’s crippling anxiety. Maybe it’s a loss of a friendship…or even worse…a death.  Maybe it’s worrying about bills, life, and your babies.  Maybe for some it’s an addiction you can never seem to break loose from.  Maybe it’s the past that haunts you.  Regardless of what it may be, you have to find that fight. And even if some days seem impossible. Remember the one who is in your corner. When writing this, God gave me a picture of a boxing match and the corner guy that seems to coach in between the matches. Forgive me about my boxing lingo, because I know nothing about the sport. But here is what I found out about it…

“A boxing coach, or cornerman, is a trainer or assistant who helps a fighter during a boxing match. Cornermen are responsible for providing strategy, support, and decision-making to help the fighter win. They also act as the fighter's eyes and ears during a match.”

That’ll preach. Though our cornerman may be silent at times, he never leaves the match. He is with us through all of our “matches” in life. 

We also oftentimes forget that the fight isn’t just ours. It is God’s.  You see…we weren’t created to fight alone. But oftentimes as women, we try to do just that. We fight all we can until we find ourselves battered, bruised, and bloody.  Even if we wrap it with a smile and quivering lip. Sometimes our mascara doesn’t even run….

I know this much…when I saw Jesus…I knew it wasn’t a hallucination. And even though he didn’t say a word, he was my ultimate advocate in that room. I had to find the will…I had to fight…but he was with me the entire time. I was scared, but he was there so there was a peace I can’t quite explain. 

The tattoo on my wrist reminds me that “the lord will fight for me if only I “be still.”  “

We have to find that fight. Even when we have to fight tired. Even when we are scared. Even when we are tapped out.  And even if we don’t think we have any fight left within us. We fight because everything depends on it.  We fight for our peace, for our babies, for our marriages, and for our families.  

Think about David and Goliath. David was small, but he had God on his side…and we all know how that story turned out. If you’re still on the earth, God isn’t finished with you yet. 

Must we never lose our fight.

 And when we do…may we search the deepest parts of our souls until we find it again. Must we always remember that we never fight alone, even in the most desolate of places. God is our ultimate cornerman and he will never leave us in a match by ourselves. 

I Timothy 6:12