Stepping Out in Faith
I walked into one of my favorite stores and the first thing I saw was the Back to School aisle. The cute colorful banners, the fresh new school supplies, and the cutest matching backpacks and lunchboxes. I got a lump in my throat and fought back tears…
Later that day, I found myself scrolling social media and my feed was flooded with posts all the same. “First Day of School!” Lots of cute highlight reels and little outfits and images of my friend’s children walking into school for the first time. Mine would have been doing the same thing that day, just like they always had…however I peered into the back of my 12 passenger van and my youngest 4 were with me instead. Earlier in the summer, after a lot of prayer and discussion as a family, my husband and I made the decision to homeschool. I’d spent years dreaming about it, but I always found myself avoiding the leap. I was afraid that I’d not only fall…but I’d nose dive completely…and that my poor children would be taking that tumble along with me. But 2023 was our year!
I made a phone call to my mom and my shaky voice couldn’t contain my emotions. I was hoping that she could help me to make sense of that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. When I heard her gentle voice on the other end of the line, I began to cry. On that specific day, I didn’t quite understand those emotions. Because, here’s the thing…I was so excited for our new adventure! I was ready! I had ordered all of our new curriculum…spent hours researching and planning…and it was almost our time to start! But as I saw all of those first day pictures…I felt like I was grieving the familiar life that we’d always known. I was so afraid that I would fail them. That fear that crippled me that day, almost made me pull the plug on my faith.
You see, I had complete faith in my smart, vibrant children. They loved to learn and each of them were so smart in different ways. I fully believed in them…but had little to no faith in myself. I always seemed to be my own worst critic, it’s something that I still struggle with to this day. So many “what ifs” clouded my judgement.
What if I wasn’t smart enough to do this?
What if I am the worst teacher on the planet?
What if I completely fail and end up sending them back next week?
What if they miss out on the things all of their friends were doing?
What if I’m not patient enough for this?
I never doubted that this was what God had called me to do…but I allowed the enemy to instill a real fear in my heart that temporarily stole my joy. That very fear created a fog that wouldn’t allow me to see past those negative self doubts and all of those “what ifs”. I couldn’t yet see the beauty that was going to come from our obedience. A mother is usually a good voice of reason. The phone call with my mom helped to remind me of my “why.” She helped me to see past all of those negative fears that fogged my vision and helped to replace them with the truths that I knew all along.
That his grace is sufficient.
That he who called me to it, will absolutely see me through it.
That greater is he that is in me, than he who is in the world.
So many times, Jesus calls us to do things that are anything but comfortable. He may call us to things that we feel completely unequipped to do. Sometimes, he asks us to step out of the boat, and simply follow him. In those moments, we have to keep our eyes on him. If we focus our eyes on the fog of fear…we just might sink. But if we keep our eyes locked on him, we will see the blessings on the other side. I have learned through life, and especially throughout my homeschool journey, that when God calls us to things bigger than ourself, it is then that his glory is on display the brightest. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “ But he said to me, “ My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Fast forward 3 years later, and we are still homeschooling. It turns out I most definitely was right about one thing. I’m not the perfect homeschool teacher. But perfection is boring anyways…and God never asked that from me. He just wanted me to say “yes” to this journey…and I am so thankful that I did. My children have thrived at home. We spend our mornings taking our time and they can learn in their own ways, at their own pace, all while being able to learn more about Jesus each and every day. Our days are messy. They’re filled with a lot of art projects, baking, games, reading, lesson plans, and field trips. We are all learning more each day about one another and more importantly, our heavenly father. I can’t imagine if I hadn’t surrendered my fear…I can’t imagine a life other than this one.
Here’s the thing, friend. If you are struggling with stepping out in faith in any situation…just know that you aren’t alone. If you find yourself in a similar situation, cling to this truth… God doesn’t call the equipped, he equips the called. Have peace in knowing that his grace will meet you every step of the way.
